Dealing with disappointment

This year has not been easy for our students, as they seek to navigate their way through myriad changes and restrictions, brought on by COVID-19. Inevitably, they have encountered disappointments, with cancelled holidays, school excursions, ski camp, cross-year programs and Year 12 graduation events, in addition to restricted family gatherings, and so much more. After seven months of restrictions, with no relief in sight, there may also be a loss of hope that things will get better in the near future. As parents bear the largest burden of responding to these disappointments, it may be helpful to reflect on the positive outcomes of supporting your children through their disappointment and loss.

Disappointment is the most immediate emotion we experience, after a thwarted desire, loss, failure or discouragement. It is also a very normal part of growing up. A natural response for parents is to shield their children from hurt or disappointment (and failure, and boredom and any sort of struggle!). However, supporting young people to cope with their disappointment will be more helpful to them in the long run. Teaching them (and modelling) the skills and mindset to bounce back after disappointment and to deal with their emotions, would be a great gift to them. Kristen Howerton, a family therapist suggests that we can give our children one of two perspectives: “That of victimhood – that they’ve lost things they’re entitled to, that they should remain outraged, and that they will be forever scarred by their current losses. Or that of empowerment – narratives of delayed gratification, or resilience, of grieving and moving on, and of finding new meaning and new coping skills.”

COVID-19 has presented parents with the opportunity to coach their children (whilst they are still under your care) through a season of disappointment, and to teach them to weather the future storms that life will bring. Howerton also advocates a shift in our thinking, to protect our mental health over this challenging period:

1. Choosing to lower our expectations: for parents, for children, for the cleanliness of our home, for the productivity of our day;
2. Choosing to opt-out of rigid expectations for grades and opt-in to discovering our children’s own learning skills;
3. Choosing to opt-out of our pre-pandemic goals and opt-in to new goals that better match our resources – mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally and financially.

Dr Jim Taylor (University of San Francisco) suggests that, in the face of disappointment, parents:

• Allow their children to feel disappointment about the setback;
• Don’t ‘spin’ the situation to make your children feel better;
• Help your children find ways to surmount the causes of their disappointment;
• Tell your children that they will survive these disappointments and will achieve their goals if they keep trying hard; and
• Make sure that they know you love them regardless of their success and failures.

The full article can be accessed here.

Advice from Wendy Mogul, author of The Blessings of a Skinned Knee, in a chapter titled ‘Raising Hardy Children’, resonated: “I have watched as well-meaning parents become even more deeply enmeshed in their children’s lives…. The child’s problems remain a central preoccupation. Instead of enjoying the remaining time with their children, they are fretting and fixing.”

Enhancing our Sport Program

With the appointment of Kristy Genc to Director of Sport across Kindergarten to Year 12, we are now looking to strengthen our offerings in the Primary School and to gradually introduce a compulsory Sport/EActive program from Years 7-9.

The experiences in sport and physical activity for our younger children will graduate from training in gross motor skills, to skill development across specific sports, to involvement in games, and finally, to involvement in competitive sport. The enhancement of levels of physical fitness will occur across each developmental phase. Our specialist sport coaching staff will be working across both Primary and High School, to ensure that our students are well prepared to participate and to enjoy the program.

All students in Year 7 (2021) will be involved in our High School Sport and/or EActive programs. The aim of the program is for all students to maintain a sound level of physical fitness and to enjoy the social, leadership and mental health benefits of participating in regular physical activity. For those who love their sport or want to dip their toes in the water of a new experience, a range of competitive sports at varying skill levels will be available. For other students, the recreational and general fitness activities associated with our EActive program will be a better fit. The Sport/EActive programs will extend to Year 8 the following year and will culminate in our Years 7-9 program in 2023.

Parent-Teacher Night (PTN) with a difference

This week, we trialled a Zoom PTN, where parents could communicate online from work or home and both be involved without needing babysitters or to leave work. We will survey parents and staff, to gather feedback on the event.

Celebrating Rosh Hashanah

Over the past few weeks I have been greeted by the sound of the shofar being blown each morning – sadly, due to COVID restrictions, this has been a recorded version rather than performed live, as our students do each year. However, I have enjoyed seeing the students’ excitement when preparing for Rosh Hashanah – they’ve been baking challah and honey cakes, making honey pots and pomegranate artwork, re-enacting The Adventures of the Very Hungry Caterpillar on Rosh Hashanah and making greeting cards for their families.

In the lead up to Rosh Hashanah, Emanuel grandparents usually join their grandchildren at school and enjoy these activities, together. While we are saddened by the fact that the students couldn’t share this special time in person, we have brought the experience to you. In case you missed it, please enjoy the Rosh Hashanah video, which was sent to the Emanuel Community yesterday, along with a beautiful Shanah Tovah card, with artwork by Jessica, one of the Year 6 Art Leaders. I hope you enjoy it!

In the High School, Rosh Hashanah Pe’ulot took place in class this week. Year Group events were held in different places around the campus for Kabbalat Shabbat by Zoom, with the exception of our Year 12 students, who enjoyed a ‘live’ Kabbalat Shabbat. Today, the P&F generously provided all our students with an ice block, for Rosh Hashanah. This treat was gratefully received and enjoyed! Our staff were gifted with honey muffins, with wishes for a sweet, COVID-free New Year.

I wish you and your family a Shanah Tovah, filled with health, happiness and memorable moments.

Mazal tov

• Ben Pellow, Year 3, was awarded an ICAS Medal for achieving the highest score in NSW/ACT for Science. This is a superb achievement. 
• Our senior rugby team defeated Moriah 32-29 in the Annual JDS Rugby Cup, ending a seven-year drought. Kol Hakavod to Mr Morley and the players! Enjoy this short clip of a game changing conversion by Alan Drannikov. 
• Sarah Manoy, Year 7, organised a cycling fundraiser for The Children’s Cancer Institute. Sarah, along with 12 other Emanuel students, cycled a combined 418 km in three hours, raising almost $2,000 for the charity. 

 Quote of the week

“The human capacity for burden is like bamboo – far more flexible than you’d ever believe at first glance.”
Jodi Picoult, My Sister’s Keeper