Emma Clemens – Deputy Head of Primary

Child wellbeing and parenting, Part 2

Two weeks ago I wrote about authoritative parenting and teaching based on Judith Locke’s ‘The Bonsai Child’. Locke is a clinical psychologist and former teacher who specialises in parenting and child wellbeing. Bonsai is an ancient Asian art of cultivating miniature trees. Bonsai trees rely upon their owner’s protection. They are delicate and small, therefore require extreme protection. Whilst bonsai plants are beautiful, they can’t survive outside. They can only exist in a sheltered environment. Locke describes how we have a tendency to treat our children like Bonsai plants. However, trimming difficult circumstances and protecting from failure can limit children’s capacity to reach their full potential.

Locke suggests that Bonsai children exhibit a range of issues such as low resilience, anxiety, dependence on others, poor behaviour and limited life skills. Heightened help for children can communicate that they lack the ability to confront difficulties on their own. An overemphasis on emotion can also cultivate Bonsai children. We need to be careful that children don’t develop the false assumption that they must be happy all the time.

Locke boldly proclaims that “Trees need wind”. Bonsai children exist in protected conditions with the intention to cultivate contentment and prosperity. A gust of wind to a Bonsai plant can be incredibly damaging. However, wind helps trees to grow. Wind encourages trees to develop stronger and deeper roots as well as flexible and sturdy trunks and branches. It is incredibly beneficial for children to face adversity and conflict in order to develop greater strength, resilience, flexibility and confidence.

Confidence:

Confidence is the belief in yourself which gives greater strength to cope with adversity. Confident children do not rely on others’ responses or require constant praise. Strategies include:

• Healthy and loving relationships
• Giving affection to your child
• Maintaining relationships, particularly in adolescence
• Quality time, but not always quantity time
• Praising effort rather than achievement
• Avoiding the praise sandwich, where negative feedback is cushioned by praise
• Calm and predictable responses to poor choices or inappropriate behaviour.

Self regulation:

This is the ability to choose constructive and appropriate behaviours, particularly when faced with opposition or disappointment. Strategies include:

• Persistence and consistency with boundaries
• Reminding your child that you are the adult in charge
• Setting and upholding rules and routines
• Building delayed gratification as children mature
• Using statements not questions e.g. ‘You need to have a bath now’
• Getting calmer, not louder if children defy you
• Consequences for poor choices and inappropriate behaviour.

Step back so they step up:

Help children develop responsibility and maturity by gradually encouraging them to become more independent. Strategies include:

• Helping children develop organisation skills
• Encouraging self-sufficiency
• Helping your child make a plan for risky situations
• Linking rights to responsibilities.

Develop resilience:

The capacity to bounce back from adversity is assisted by confidence from loved ones. But it is primarily developed through facing challenges and learning to cope. Strategies include:

• Allowing your child to experience all emotions, including difficult ones
• Listening and empathising when your child experiences difficulty, but not removing or overcompensating for the adversity
• Only telling your child information they can handle, this may not be the full truth
• Encouraging your child to problem solve, rather than finding the solution for them.

Year 6 Leadership Camp

Year 6 at Allsorts Fitness Centre learning about wheelchair sport

On Thursday and Friday we held our Year 6 Leadership Experience. Day one took place at Allsorts Fitness Centre. Students participated in a number of leadership training sessions where they learnt about values, being a transition person, attributes of leaders and teamwork. They engaged in a range of team activities including bubble soccer, wheelchair basketball and floorball. Day two was held at Emanuel School. Kim Slender conducted a Mindfulness session from the .b program. Students then spent time working in teams for their leadership portfolios, planning initiatives for the coming year. In the afternoon they looked at Jewish Leadership with Adam Carpenter then participated in further team building activities with the High School Madrichim. Thank you to Natanya Milner and Holly Dillon for all their planning and organisation leading up to the camp. Thank you also to Hugo Adrian, Adam Carpenter, Emma Clemens, Di Clennar, Anna Economou, Lior Misrachi and Kim Slender for running leadership sessions throughout the camp.

Upcoming dates

• 1 March: Year K Pathways Parent Information Night, Angles Leadership and Learning Centre 7:00-8:30 pm
• 2 March: Year 2 excursion to Vaucluse House, 9:30-1:30pm
• 2 March: Year 3 swimming, Allsorts Fitness Centre 1:15-2:45 pm
• 2 March: Year 4 excursion to Central Park, 8:50-11:50 am
• 6 March: New Parent Welcome Evening, 7:00-8:30 pm
• 7 March: Year 3 excursion to Taronga Zoo, 9:00-3:00pm
• 8 March: Years K-12 BBQ day (details below)
• 9 March: Ta’anit Ester, canteen closed
• 9 March: Year 3 swimming, Allsorts Fitness Centre 1:15-2:45 pm
• 10 March: Years K-6 Purim celebrations
• 13 March: ASISSA Swimming Carnival, Warringah Aquatic Centre
• 15-16 March: Year 5 Bathurst Camp, Year 6 Canberra Camp
  • Year 5 arrive at 7:00 am, Triguboff gate, return at 2:30 pm,Triguboff gate
  • Year 6 arrive 7:00 am Avoca Street gate, return 3:00pm Triguboff gate
• 16 March: ASISSA Netball Gala Day, Heffron
• 16 March: Year 3 Swimming, Allsorts Fitness Centre 1:15-2:45 pm

BBQ Day

When: Wednesday 8 March (please note a change of date from 20 March)

Why: Giant Steps

Cost: $3.50 for sausage sizzle

Booking: On the day, students need to bring a sealed envelope with the correct money inside (no change will be given). On the front, please write the child’s name and the order. The options are listed below:

1. Sausage sizzle $3.50
2. Gluten-free sausage sizzle $3.50
3. Vegetarian sausage sizzle $3.50