From the Primary School

Emma Clemens – Deputy Head of Primary

Growing Happiness – Part 3

This term I have been writing about the science of happiness based on ‘The How of Happiness’ by Sonja Lyubomirsky. The science of happiness is part of a growing body of research called ‘positive psychology’. The premise of the science of happiness is that we can develop a positive state of mind to live a happy and rewarding life. There are three important factors that determine happiness. Your happiness set point is genetically determined and affects 50% of your happiness. Life circumstances, such as whether you are wealthy or poor, healthy or unhealthy, married or single, determine 10% of happiness. The remaining 40% of your happiness is impacted by behaviour based on intentional activity.

Sonja Lyubomirsky suggests there are five strategies that can be used to change you and your child’s happiness levels using intentional activity. In my last Ma Nishma article I addressed the first two strategies and today I will explore the third strategy – managing stress and hardship.

Practising gratitude and positive thinking
Investing in social connections
Managing stress and hardship
Committing to your goals
Taking care of your body and your soul

Managing stress and hardship

It is inevitable that everyone will undergo stress, adversity and crisis at some point in their life. It may seem contradictory to talk about stress and hardship in relation to happiness. However, becoming a happier person means rising above your happiness set point. Coping and forgiveness are two key strategies for managing challenges in life and influence the 40% of happiness that is impacted by intentional activity.

Coping

Coping is used to alleviate hurt or stress caused by a negative situation or life event. In psychology there are two methods for coping. ‘Problem focused’ is where you focus on resolving the situation. ‘Emotion focused’ is about managing your emotional reactions. Both ‘problem focused’ and ‘emotion focused’ coping can be valuable but are dependant on the person or situation. Constructing benefit from trauma is when you see value or gain from a negative life event. This is a very effective coping strategy. For example there might be a relational gain, increased maturity, enhanced resilience or a renewed sense of meaning. As Friedrich Nietzsche said: “That which does not kill me, makes me stronger”.

Consider what coping strategies could be used in your family when you hit life’s bumps and roadblocks:

Social support through friends and family to provide comfort in times of strain and distress.
Expressive writing is another technique to overcome trauma through letting go of emotions.
Disputation is a strategy used in cognitive therapy for depression. This involves challenging pessimistic thoughts. With children we use the terminology of ‘detective thinking’. In difficult situations we are often overwhelmed by negative emotions that can then catastrophise the situation. Disputing negative thoughts and beliefs allows you to look for more optimistic explanations. Encourage your children to ‘think like a detective’ to examine the evidence around them and see if their negative emotions are based on facts and if there is a more positive outlook they could take.

Forgiveness

Stress and hardship are often associated with being wronged, hurt or attacked by someone. Forgiveness can disrupt unhelpful patterns of avoidance, vengeance or revenge and instead replaces these attitudes with more positive feelings or behaviours. Forgiveness has two elements, forgiving yourself and the one who has wronged you. Forgiveness doesn’t always mean that you will restore the relationship with the offender, but those who have forgiven are more able to re-establish relationships. Long term hostility and resentment ultimately hurts us emotionally and physically. Forgiveness creates a shared sense of humanity and a greater desire to help others.

Think about how you can model forgiveness in your family. Firstly, show appreciation when you are forgiven. Next, seek forgiveness for yourself, whether it is a past or present wrong. We can seek forgiveness in person or through a letter of apology. Recognising and accepting when you are in the wrong creates greater empathy to then in turn forgive others. Psychologists also recommend imagining forgiveness where you mentally and emotionally rehearse the process before seeking forgiveness in person. When asking for forgiveness it is important to be aware of ruminating on past hurts and instead remind yourself of times you’ve been forgiven.

Practising empathy towards others and taking proactive steps to repair and rebuild relationships are also key strategies in forgiveness. If your child needs to ask for forgiveness, encourage them to consider what they can do to continue to restore the relationship and create deposits in the emotional bank account of trust with the person they have hurt.

In my next article, I will describe the final two strategies for increasing happiness – committing to goals and taking care of your body and soul.

Years K-2 Camera Word Party

On Monday Years K-2 had a Camera Word Party to celebrate their learning of Camera Words. Students were placed in mixed groups and moved around various stations. Each activity was led by wonderful Year 4 helpers. They participated in games such as Jenga, Connect 4, paper plate ball throw, Twister, Hopscotch, life-size Snakes and Ladders, Magnetic Fishing, Skittles, Tic-Tac-Toe, paper cup towers, Cross the River and enjoyed a puppet show. Each station had a spelling element, where students had to either read the word, spell the word or put the word in a sentence. It was a fun-filled morning. Thank you to the Years K-2 teachers for preparing and running the activities. A special thank you to Talia Hynek for her creativity and initiative to make the event happen.

Years 5-6 Ping Pong Competition

This week the Primary Madrichim hosted the finals of the Ping Pong competition. The students who progressed to the final rounds were incredibly skilled players. The semi-final games included Levi Ehrlich, Jake Fleischer, Aaron Harpaz and Toby Danon. The final was between Aaron Harpaz and Toby Danon. Aaron Harpaz won the competition with a very close game of eight to six points. Thank you to the Madrichim for organising the competition. A special thanks to Ruby Miller and Ethan Berkovic for organising the draw and umpiring the games.

Years 3-6 Sport and Recreation Camp

On Wednesday to Friday this week all of Years 3-5 attended the annual Sport and Recreation Camp. This year the camp was situated at Myuna Bay. The students participated in a range of activities including archery, canoeing, kayaking, bushwalks, giant swing, high ropes course, flying fox and rock climbing. Sport and Recreation Camps are a wonderful way for students to learn new skills in an outdoor environment. The philosophy of the instructors is to ‘challenge by choice’ where students discern what level of challenge they feel comfortable striving for. It was so exciting to see so many students challenging themselves to develop greater confidence and resilience. Camps are also an excellent opportunity for the students to develop new and deeper friendships with their peers. Thank you to all the teachers who attended the camp and cared for the students.

Year 2 Our Big Kitchen

On Thursday Year 2 students went to Our Big Kitchen (OBK) as part of their Make a Difference Project (MAD). During the year, each grade engages with a MAD project where they seek to put the 7 Habits into action in order to give back or care for those in need. On the excursion to OBK Year 2 baked challot that was then sold to Emanuel families on Friday afternoon. The money raised through the Challah Bake Sale will go back to Our Big Kitchen so support their wonderful cause. Thank you to Nicole Esra and Leisha Strub for organising the excursion and the bake sale.