Adina Roth – Head of Jewish Life

On Prayer and Butterflies

One of the things that keeps Jewish educators up at night, is how to engage teens in Jewish prayer. This is an age-old problem. Just this past weekend, my husband reminded me that he resented going to prayers at school and my aunt regaled me with stories of how she ‘bunked’ prayers to finish her homework. Many adults do not move beyond the teenage mindset to prayer. As we approach Rosh Hashanah next week, we enter a time that is suffused in Jewish prayer. Today, I will make a case for prayer.  

There is a Talmudic story in Brachot which tells of a man called Rabbi Yosei who stopped in a ruin near Jerusalem to pray. It was considered dangerous to enter a ruin – practically, a boulder could fall on you and it was also believed ghosts or demons lived in ruins. Mysteriously, Elijah the prophet appears and keeps watch over Rabbi Yosei. At the end of his prayers, Elijah rebuked Rabbi Yosei for contravening the safety standards, ‘Hey,’ he said, ‘you weren’t supposed to be in that ruin….  But while you were in there taking that risk, did you hear anything, did you see anything?’ Rabbi Yosei answers, ‘I did hear something, I heard God’s voice, crying and bewailing, “I am sorry children of Israel for sending you out of your temple and for exiling you.”’ Elijah listened and said, ‘You can hear that voice every time you pray, three times a day and what’s more you can also hear God smiling and laughing at those times.’ Elijah the prophet was saying to Rabbi Yosei that every time we pray, we are given an opportunity to go beyond our comfort zone and experience something else. However, we need to be willing to step out of our comfort zone.

Tefilah comes from the Hebrew Lehitpalel which means to introspect. Prayer allows us to go inside and to express our longings. We all have so many longings. We long to fit in, to feel loved, to feel enough, to be happy, to feel gorgeous. We long for calm in our families and for less stress in ourselves. Twentieth century mystic and activist, Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel invites us to think about prayer in a more mature way: ‘Prayer may not save us but could make us worthy of being saved.’ Prayer may not answer our particular requests, but the ACT of praying, of longing, can refine our characters, deepen us and turn us into mensches. Prayer is also a daily practice in gratitude. The Rabbis in our Talmud called prayer, Avodah Shebalev, the service of the heart.  That is because prayer is meant to be a heart opening experience, an experience where we feel joy, sadness, compassion. In this sense, prayer provides an antidote to our crazy-busy lives. It is a quiet among the noise, it is slowness amidst frenzy and it is subtlety in a world of crudeness and glare.

Prayer is also about community. Music and singing are essential components of Jewish prayer – it can be a vibe. The Hasidim would do cartwheels in their prayers and make big deep sounds with their voices. Community is so essential to Jewish prayer that we can’t have an Aliyah to the Torah unless we are with ten people. We can’t say the mourners prayer, unless we are in a community of ten. 

Part of the challenge with teens is social pressure. If a teenager feels awkward and self-conscious in prayers and won’t sing or participate, they unconsciously impart that behaviour to their friend sitting next to them and the entire room becomes frozen. On the other hand, if someone takes a risk and sings a prayer with their full heart, or closes their eyes in concentration to express something important, their friends are encouraged to do the same. If students could release self-consciousness and step out of their comfort zone, prayer at school could become the most grounding and energising way to start the day. 

Prayer is like a butterfly. It is beautiful. It flaps its wings. It flutters and it wants to fly. We long for students to cultivate an appreciation for prayer and to become partners with us in creating a tefilah experience. Ironically, we cannot force this appreciation. As educators we can’t shout at our students, ‘look at the butterfly, love the butterfly’. We can’t compel students to open their hearts to pray, to perform avodah she’balev, the service of the heart. The act of singing, calling, responding, listening, longing, asking, genuinely feeling gratitude is a courageous act that only each student can choose to do. 

As we enter the period of the high holy days, I hope that all Emanuel families will have time in shule or at home for quiet contemplation, reflection and song. As a community, perhaps we can cultivate appreciation for this subtle creature called prayer, together.

Shabbat Shalom